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Catolic Twin Circle,
Spring 1996
Ron S e i g e l
The Big Things in Life
One thing fascinates me about Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
the popular radio psychotherapist.
It doesn't involve her nationally known radio call-in program.
Although I find refreshing that she opposes abortion and generally
emphasizes personal responsibility, I must confess I sometimes
disagree with the specific advice she gives.
Indeed, I tend to be skeptical about people, no matter what their
academic credentials, who give advice on the radio to anyone who
calls in. I wonder if Solomon himself was capable of solving the
problems of strangers in five or 10 minutes - just in time for
commercial breaks.
What fascinates me. through, about Dr. Laura is something her
pre-teen son said.
Last year, a newscaster asked him whether it was difficult to have a
mother with such an "absolute" sense of right and wrong.
He said. "It's nice, because she stresses the big things, not the
little things."
His words are well worth remembering on this Mother's Day.
All too often parents emphasize the small things, the petty things,
the things that have nothing to do with moral values. They ridicule
their children for not winning a Little League game or not making
the cheer-leading squad - They show infinite attention to how their
kids dress or wear their hair.
Parents often respond this way because they want their children to
be "adjusted," or because they're concerned about how the children
will be treated by others, or because they're worried about how
their children will reflect on them.
If parents show some sense of proportion about these concerns, their
behavior is natural and may be beneficial. However, excessive
concern about such things teaches children to be emotionally
dominated by the attitudes of the world, to surrender their moral
convictions, rather than to risk friction or rejection. Sometimes
parents confuse the little, things with the big things.
Psychiatrist W. Hugh Missildine once noted that, in our "moralizing"
American culture, children are often labeled as "bad" for behavior
which is neither malicious nor sinful, but simply part of any
child's natural inexperience with immaturity.
He noted that youngsters are made to feel guilty and "worthless"
because of their curiosity, their impulsiveness and their eagerness
to explore their environment. In shot, children are morally
condemned, because, in their childishness, they do things chat are
inconvenient, annoying and embarrassing to parents; things that set
in the way of parents' wishes.
This may be one reason why so many children have grown up with a
general hostility to- ward authority.
As Thomas Merton noted: "Acts that are in no way seriously evil
cover us with confusion. making us feel as if we were criminals. The
pain caused by these inoffensive actions is often so strong that we
rebel against it completely."
In our rebellion, he added, "we imagine we have turned against God.
After that, we dread to : face him, imagining that he wants to
revenge himself upon us."
Because of Dr. Laura's emphasis on the "big things" (the questions
of right and wrong), she was able to provide her son with a greater
sense of freedom about the "little things." She is clearly raising a
child who knows that there is a difference. This is a fascinating
accomplishment, one that all mothers (and fathers) might do well to
emulate.
Rob Seigel is a
freelance writer who lives in Highland Park, Mich. |
