Several years ago an elementary school teacher wrote us asking for
a list of stories that teach respect.
Many great children's stories inherently deal with respect. It is
up to the storyteller to bring them out with a comment between the lines.
In this material, we are mentioning a few stories. You might apply these
ideas to stories that you think of on your own.
In telling the stories, keep in mind that children themselves have a
special concern about respect. Some psychiatrists note that children face
disrespect from many adults and from many areas in adult society. Dr. Thomas
Harris went one step further, noting that even in the best environments,
it is difficult for children to respect themselves, because they are smaller,
relatively weak and helpless, and lack knowledge and experience for dealing
with a complicated.world. This may even be true of children who are
disrespectful themselves. Often children relieve their feelings of
humiliation by humiliating others. Many (such as the class.clown or the •
school bully) are trying, through disrespectful behavior, to gain respect
from their peer group. For all these reasons, children often identify with
those who face disrespect.
Many fairy tales and fables deal with individuals who have had the most
crushing experiences of disrespect.
- A girl subjected to a sadistic system of continual humiliations in
her own family, where she is treated as a servant and given the mocking
nickname of "Cinderella.""
- A boy considered so stupid his family actually calls him "Simpleton."
- A duckling rejected, because he is considered ugly.
- A reindeer named Rudolph, scorned, insulted, and ostracized, because
he has a physical characteristic that makes him different (a red nose).
- A mouse mocked at, because he says some day he will do something for
the lion, when it is obvious he is too small and weak to aid someone so
mighty.
- A little boy named Arthur dominated by his elder brother, who pulls
out a sword from a stone and becomes the King of England.
The stories also demonstrate how individuals are denied respect for
foolish reasons. The giant Jack faces seems to show disrespect for those
who are smaller (just as children are smaller in a world that seems to them
gigantic). Some are denied respect, because they are true to their values,
like an elephant named Horton, mocked for respecting a trust given to him
(a good example of resisting peer pressure). A beast, a frog and a duckling
face disrespect because of their appearance. On the other hand, Cinderella
is treated with disrespect, because her stepmother and step sisters are
jealous of her beauty. In the poem Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer, the
hero is ostracized, because he looks different and it is assumed what is
different must be bad or ridiculous (a good commentary on the origins of
racial prejudice). In Aesop's fable the mouse saved the lion, because it
was in his rodent nature to gnaw ropes. Since the lion never considered
the possibility of being in a trap, he never thought of this as being
significant. The ugly duckling became a swan, because this ugliness is part
of a swan's natural initial development before it matures. Often the heroes
and heroines are rejected for showing respect to those others scorn and push
aside (such as the poor).
Stories indicate disrespect often arises from a lack of vision. It
makes people unable to understand, appreciate or reckon with the qualities
of the heroes and the heroines. Cinderella's family does not appreciate
her goodness, gentleness, and inner strength, but the story suggested that
the prince saw these traits enabled her to be a good wife and a good queen
over his people. Simpleton and heroes in similar fairy tales are considered
fools, because they have a unique insight, common sense or a creative way
of looking at things that goes unappreciated (just as the creativity of
children is often unappreciated by adults). The very thing that made Rudolph
different as a reindeer — the brightness of his nose — enabled him to make
a unique contribution. Often the unfortunate and seemingly insignificant
people, who the heroes and heroines are scorned for helping, turn out to
be the very ones with the power to aid them in achieving their goals. The
most disrespectful and arrogant are the ones most lacking in vision, blinded
by their own egos. Their arrogance makes them stupid. A haughty spirit
goes before a fall.
The heroes and heroines not only represent victims of disrespect, but
can serve as models of how to deal with it. They often have a strength within
them that does not let the attitudes of others demoralize them or undermine
their respect for themselves. Unimpressed by the fact that his father and
brothers call him stupid. Simpleton deals with kings and outwits corrupt
officials. At first Cinderella's stepmothers and stepsisters convince her
she is not worthy to go to the ball. (She tells her stepsisters, "It is
not for such as I am to go to the ball.") Ultimately, though, she does.
Jack himself was ready to take on a giant. Such stories can help youngsters
deal with their own experiences of disrespect — whether by the peer group
or in the home, or disrespect they feel for themselves, because they feel
awkward, clumsy, foolish, inexperienced, or little in a big world.
The heroes and heroines also are noted for showing respect to others.
As noted before, they show respect for the poor and rejected. Often those
they show respect to (and don't brush aside) are the ones with the qualities
that can help them triumph.
In the French version of her story, Cinderella, with French good nature,
shows respect for her stepsisters and does not pay back in kind the
humiliations they heaped on her. King Arthur shows respect for age, in the
person of Merlin, the Magician, and gets the benefit of his wisdom. Arthur
actually creates a civilization, which embodies respect — establishing
justice and fairness (which represents respect for the powerless) and a system
of courtesy (which represents an expression of respect). Robin Hood, on
the other hand, becomes a rebel in order to defend those who have been denied
respect. There are, however, stories (particularly in Howard Pyle's version),
where Robin sometimes gets cocky himself and fails to respect others. He
then gets humiliated — thrown into the water by Little John or beaten by
Will Scarlet, but in this humiliation, he is able to learn something, laugh
at himself, and respect his adversary.
The Emperor's New Clothes is unique in that it encourages children to
respect their own insights. While everyone else was intimidated by the
swindlers, a little child was able to recognize amd reveal the emperor had
nothing on.
It has also been suggested that telling stories from different nations
and ethnic groups can create respect for people in these countries or groups
and their cultures.
One such story is Hiawatha, excerpts of the poem Henry Wadsworth
Longfellow wrote on the native American legend, as edited and illustrated
by Susan Jeffers.
Another is the Jewish story of The Golem as written by Beverly Brodsky
McDermott. This is an engrossing story, which among other things goes into
the reasons for prejudice the Jews have faced (and by extension touching
on the nature of prejudice). The story also demonstrates in allegorical
fashion how violence (even in self-defense) assumes a life of its own and
becomes mindless destruction (something we are seeing in many countries
throughout the world). Fortunately, the rabbi in the story was able to deal
with this and those who created the story had the particular wisdom to
recognize it was necessary to do this.
We also recommend a beautiful and perceptive folk tale from Africa,
Mifaro's Beautiful Daughters by John Steptoe published by Scholastic Inc.
in 1949. This is a story, much like Cinderella (with perhaps stronger
characterization) in which it is clear the heroine, Nyasha, triumphs, not
because of outer attractiveness, but inner qualities, including respect for
others. Nyasha's sister feels (like many do today) that respect and kindness
represent weakness and foolishness and disrespect is a sign of sophistication
and strength. Nyasha's respect, though, gives her a broadness of vision,
while her sister's arrogance prevents her from having the slightest
comprehension of what is going on (though at a moment of crisis she is able
to show concern for Nyasha's safety, which indicated a real love for her).
Some questions might be raised by the storyteller about whether in the
beginning Nyasha really ought to have been so uncomplaining about her sister's
nastiness or whether she ought to have talked about it with an adult.
We also suggest a book entitled Afro-American Folk Tales. Stories from
Black Traditions in the New World, edited and selected by Roger D. Abrahams,
published by Pantheon Books, 1985. We particularly recommend looking at
stories in Part III concerning respectful conduct and satirizing those who
don't show respect. However, we suggest these for older children at or
above the sixth grade, who can appreciate the humor and satire, and not for
younger children, who might take the stories literally and be frightened
by them. In some other parts, teacher discretion is advised. There are
some stories which (like many folk anecdotes) that are so explicit that
educators may consider them suitable only for adults.
One teacher recommends for teenagers a book of short stories by Chris
Cruncher called Athletic Shorts.
It is also noted that teens respond to movies about prejudice (and
disrespect for other groups), such as "Gentlemen's Agreement," "School Ties,'
"The Wave" and possibly "The Ghosts of Mississippi."
Please send us any ideas you have. You can mail them to Respect Month
Committee, P.O. Box 03015, Detroit, Michigan 48203 or by calling (313) 866-
1970.
PRINTED BY THE RESPECT MONTH COMMITTEE, P.O. BOX 03015, DETROIT, MICHIGAN
48203.
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